An increasing portion of the college experience for men is staying on top of the ever-shifting expectations of behavior toward women, through the curriculum, seminars and campus activism.
Ignore all of it and watch your back.
That’s the clear-eyed and urgent message from Tina McCormick, the Danish-born publisher of NewBostonPost and Harvard Ph.D., in an open letter to her four sons who will be “off to college in a snap.”
Their schooling thus far has taught them to “see the relationship between girls and boys mostly in physical terms” and pursue “emotion-free sex” devoid of love and respect:
Resist the cheap bill of goods that is casual sex and seek relationships in which a deeper connection can grow. The physical part will be so much the better.
— Alison Podworski (@AlisonMayPR) June 17, 2016
Her sons will be “so much more innocent than you think” when they reach college, tempted by women “who dress in sexually provocative ways” but who need “your compassion rather than attention,” McCormick continues:
What you regard as enticing signals that invite sexual attention are dangerous temptations that distract you from what is important in your lives.
The “gentlemanly tenderness” McCormick has instilled in her sons “will not be much appreciated or even tolerated”:
You will be surrounded by women who demand to be treated the way you treat other men. Their idea of equality is devoid of any complementarity and pertains to sexuality as well. I beg you to navigate the course carefully. …
A young woman might flirt with you aggressively, touch you, kiss you, hang on you, and you might partake in what you sense is common party revelry. Do not go along with it! While her behavior might include signals that you interpret as an invitation to sexual engagement among equals, don’t be fooled. Step back and LOOK THE OTHER WAY. If you don’t, you alone will be held responsible for whatever happens next.
She tells her sons not to drink “even when everybody else does,” treat women with compassion when they “seek your attention in sexual ways,” avoid physical intimacy with a drunk person, and this:
Forget the sexual equality that college seems to teach you. There is none. Women and men will always be different when it comes to casual sex and the expectations of human intimacy.
And many of those women, regardless of what campus culture tells men, “will regret a drunken hookup and will blame you for whatever happened”:
Nobody will care about the party culture that has drawn you in in your innocence and the challenges you face navigating the college world of mixed signals and false gender equality.
What our present day culture teaches you about equality and sexual liberation is a dangerous trap. Should you buy into it, your life may be ruined forever. No matter how kind and decent, how talented and giving a person you have always been, there will be no mercy for you.