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Yale allegedly suffering epidemic of ‘mediocre man-sex’

‘Shower together afterward. Tell a joke afterward. Stick around afterward.’

A student columnist at an Ivy League university claims that the school is suffering an epidemic of “lukewarm” sex from men who are “bad at listening to women.”

“Men at Yale are overwhelmingly underwhelming in bed,” Amelia Nierenberg writes in The Yale Daily News. “Far too many Yale women have a few good conversations with a guy and feel a real connection, only to be repeatedly disappointed by oomphless coitus.”

This “oomphless coitus” is “not a permanent state of affairs,” Nierenberg claims: “It’s something the men of Yale can fix with a little effort. But, at least right now, it’s an epidemic with a simple cause: Men at Yale are bad in bed because they are bad at listening to women.”

Nierenberg’s advice? “Step one: Listen to your partner. Step two: Act on that.”

“That’s it,” she writes.

Nierenberg offers several theories for why Yale men are such underwhelming partners: one is that “the men of Yale truly do not know how sexually mediocre they are.” The other is that “they know but just don’t care.”

As part of the solution to fix this campus-wide problem, Nierenberg advises Yale men to “be more conscious of how gender dynamics impact conversations about sex, in and out of the bedroom.” In order to “have constructive conversations about sex,” she writes, “men have to encourage real constructive criticism.”

From the piece:

Most men at Yale don’t think to ask for advice because they are practiced in believing their own exceptionality. As a result, mediocre man-sex manifests in silly, sad ways. Yale is full of men who enthusiastically recommend Kurt Vonnegut, pontificate about debt policy or tell you about their successful startup. These are the men who do not reciprocate oral sex because they “don’t like the taste” or think “it’s complicated.” They are the men who react to an orgasm in jaw-dropping amazement because they never cared enough to ask their previous partners how the experience had been for them. Somehow, none of these men have ever bothered to read the “find the G-spot” wikiHow, or — even more easily — ask their partners if something feels good.

What I’m describing is consensual. It’s just really, really mediocre.

Nights of half-hearted hip thrusts are a symptom of a larger problem, one also found in club meetings, classrooms and coffee shops. Men talk over women in meetings, men willingly unload emotional problems onto women friends and — yes — men orgasm while their partners repeatedly do not. In the same way that men at Yale are “softboys” in their friendships, they’re even more flaccid with their sexual partners.

A “softboy,” according to Urban Dictionary, is a man who “butter[s] a girl up by appealing to her emotions and showing a ‘sensitive’ side long enough for her to sleep with him, whether or not he actually cares about her or not [sic].”

Nierenberg offers other tips for men to improve this problem, imploring them to simulate real relationships as opposed to fake sex-based ones: “Shower together afterward. Tell a joke afterward. Stick around afterward. Minor improvements make a world of difference.”

Read the whole piece here.

MORE: Harvard Sex Week: 13,000 condoms, 1,200 bottles of lube, and ‘BDSM in the dorm’ lesson

MORE: UChicago Sex Week includes love enchantments, ‘sexual pain’ workshop, BDSM tutorials

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  • Gene

    Try being a lady . otherwise your just a lube oil filter.
    the problem’s not the men it’s you ladies giving it away.
    Hell free sex without having to invest sounds like every Youngman’s perfect weekend. now go get me a pizza and some beer

    • Bora Bosna

      Sex dolls and robots are looking better and better than these entitled, narcissistic, man hating women.

      • bloog41

        Nierenberg’s advice? “Step one: Listen to your partner. Step two: Act on that.”
        “That’s it,” she writes.
        So, if she says she wants you to make her bark like a dog while giving her anal, then give it to her. That’s it, boys. Thanks, Nierenberg!

  • Ralph Davis

    With the way ‘women’ are on the college campuses today, it would take a crane for me to get it up for them.

  • Trevor Sedis

    Thoroughly modern college women passively/cowardly continue to wait for men to make all first-moves…the better to blame men for awkwardly doing what females duck.

    They also write articles instead of telling men, directly, what they want and are willing to do in turn.

    They think their vags are gold mines, rarely checking to see if they’re feminine Gowanus Canals.

    Get over yourselves! Start being whole persons instead of “hole” persons. Bring more to the table than your Oprah-inspired nagging and odiferous orifices. Most females are rightfully pump-and-dumps: get-in/get-out misandric nags.

  • Václav Lacina

    Whoever you are, you will not get happy by fucking around. Happiness is doing. It’s commiting to something…

  • Robbins Mitchell

    Evidently the “Bulldog” can’t get it up any more

  • Byrd Westbrook

    How very stupid. Amelia Nierenberg listens to a few whining friends and comes up with a blanket condemnation of men at Yale. Maybe Yale men are bored with Yale feminists? Or try this: Yale feminists have so castrated Yale men that the latter seeks only sexual release.

    • Bora Bosna

      I think Yale men are afraid of getting accused of rape, they swallowed the “Yes means yes” nonsense, so they go “soft” in sex.

    • demsaredelusional

      They’ve been feminized.

      • Allen Renche


    • Aubrey La Ventana

      is this what English composition 101 calls a categorical proposition? that paper should have been returned to her. Yet she gets a column on alternate Thursdays in an Ivy paper.

      Worst political class, ever. In about 18 months, this chick is going to be writing policy positions for, say, how HHS will force more health insurers into paying for abortifacients. Or she’ll be reporting on it.

  • Bora Bosna

    Women are useless meatbags.

    • The_Bustle_in_Your_Hedgerow

      No, women aren’t; feminists are.

  • Ryan Bryan

    Since when is going to college akin to writing for Cosmopolitan magazine. What a crock of $heit.

    • Tobias Keith

      Indeed, a crock of shi’ite.

  • deep45

    its what happens when you remove your partners masculinity, cause and effect

  • Pathfinder306

    Might could be the Yale men don’t enjoy ‘diddling’ women who are bitching before, during and after ‘coitus’.

  • Tobias Keith

    I’d rather hand it to Rosie than spend any time with those Yale twats.

  • Maxwell Frere

    Would be better if Yale men–and women–just went back to studying. Since when did women become the arbiters of all things gender?

    • userfromny

      Women aren’t the only arbiters of all things gender. Gays also think that they are, too.

      If you’re a man reading this, continue to embrace traditional notions of masculinity because you know they are true and stop listening to bitter women and the disoriented for any direction about how to be.

      • Aubrey La Ventana

        and go off-campus to find mud for the turtle. Wayyy off-campus.

  • Daniel Haney

    Or, maybe, they are sick of hearing you talk.
    Hint ladies: If you sleep with a guy BEFORE you talk, it probably means you were nothing more than a good time and then dropped like a hot potato.
    I’m betting mediocre sex to you was good for him.
    If you are that easy, why should he care if you enjoyed it?

  • Flufeee

    They want to undo the effects of all their “toxic masculinity” efforts when it comes to getting f’d. These liberal academics only think of men as sperm donors and paychecks.

  • Walter Festoon

    One must be inspired.

  • Wes Buckman

    The female New Haven townies are about to receive a lot more affection from the male Yale students!

    • SerfCityHereWeCome

      I doubt it; once you step off the campus, it’s like a third-world war zone.

      • Wes Buckman

        True, but they can still take the ferry to Port Jefferson!

  • Edwin Alexander

    Woymn have been faking Orgasms for hundreds of Years! he he

  • dave4848

    “These are the men who do not reciprocate oral sex because they “don’t like the taste” or think “it’s complicated.”


    Maybe they are aware of the whole oral cancer risk.

    • The_Bustle_in_Your_Hedgerow

      Same goes for women and fellatio. Just saying. (though it’s more easy for men to get orally infected)

      • Robert Taylor

        Who cares? They are going to get cervical cancer anyway….

  • AARGH63

    Solution: Steam-driven dildo

  • Jon

    I’d suspect, it’s a variety of factors;
    (1) The only Yale men willing to risk having sex with a Yale woman, are the idiots with deficient self-survival instincts.
    (2) Most of the “men” at Yale, are limp wristed, politically correct milquetoasts.
    (3) Who on earth wants to talk to a Yale woman anyway?

    • Aaron1960

      “Sensitivity, caring, personal engagement” and usually dinner & drinks too. An 49’s NFL game for 4 might be cheaper & more enjoyable.

      • Jon

        Going to the game, you don’t have to worry about being accused of rape when Ms. Yale spaz’es out because you didn’t display enough simulated “Sensitivity, caring, personal engagement”. That’s probably either a micro-aggression or a hate crime.

    • BC

      And most of these feminist women do not understand #5.

      • Jon

        She wants a “simulated” real relationship. They know what they’re missing, so they want the pretense. While still not making the connection between lousy sex, and a lack of mental and emotional connection/investment. Talk about being blinded by feminist dogma…

        • BC

          She won’t even admit it to herself, to do so would cause the left (and those she assumes are her friends) to turn on her.

  • Jon

    “These are the men who do not reciprocate oral sex because they “don’t like the taste” or think “it’s complicated.”

    (1) Maybe the women of Yale need to practice better feminine hygiene? Hate to tell you this ladies, but if it doesn’t pass the “sniff test”, I’m certainly not putting my mouth on it.

    (2) Giving good head is hard work. If you’ve reduced yourself to an animated masturbatory meat puppet, why would they bother putting out the effort simply for your gratification?

  • Men are Always Wrong for $200

    Answer: Women who think like this.

    “Why are sexbots a thing?”

  • Bubba LeRoi

    If they’re strong and independent women, why are they so helpless, passive and dependent when it comes to sex?

    The problem is that the default situation in nature is that females of the higher species tend to be programmed to be passive and seductive to initiate the sex act (even if only with pheromones), whereas the males are programmed to be the aggressors and instigators of the physical sex act once aroused by the female.

    Obviously it’s a bit more complicated with humans, but nonetheless, the human female is more or less programmed to be taken (even if she must instigate the taking via seduction), and the male is programmed to do the taking (even if he must be seduced into doing it). Even the physical situation demands that psychology.

    Thus, when these immature collegiate females are relentlessly programmed to continuously assert themselves as “strong and independent”, there’s a complete cognitive dissonance for them when they must become seductive and submissive to induce the attraction and aggression necessary for a male (both psychologically AND physically) to desire and complete the sex act.

    To a large degree, the fine art of female seduction of the male is incompatible with the dogmatic (but false) self-belief that the female must always be “strong and independent” because it is generally necessary to drop that “strong and independent” demeanor for successful seduction.

    Plus “strong and independent” isn’t even the default position for females in the higher kingdom anyway, because as soon as they become pregnant and must take care of offspring, it’s generally necessary to have a capable, supporting male partner to successfully raise the offspring into maturity. In point of fact, almost all females subconsciously seek a good provider for that very reason whether they consciously realize it or not, which provides yet more cognitive dissonance for those immature collegiate females who have been relentlessly brainwashed into believing that they must always be “strong and independent”.

    In other words, good luck with that …

  • banshee

    Jesus, no wonder men are GTOW. Ladies, if sex is bad, the problem is with YOU.

  • Sam American

    Nierenberg sound like a typical alpha b**** [no pun intended- definitional]. Wants to control and domineer and once she breaks you down demeans you for being passive – mind games like that is something for mean women and little girls. Most real men avoid such agonizing existence. Glad I am down south where our women tend to like to be women and the men tend to be men. I would rather sex a robot then a yankee alpha b**** from Yale.

  • The_Bustle_in_Your_Hedgerow

    Feminism and porn are killing sex, romance, and love. Something’s gotta give.

  • Robert Taylor

    So did you catch that? When at Yale don’t phuk Amelia Nierenberg!!!!!
    and if you do
    do give her oral sex!

  • Steve the Battle Axe

    Maybe they’re going MGTOW? Why invest in a relationship when everyone is dicking around casually? They all deserve each other.

  • UtIdArWa

    Good grief Yale Men. Hasn’t the past 10 years taught you anything. DO NOT under any circumstances, repeat ANY circumstances, engage in sexual relations with any females at Yale, or any other university for that matter. I don’t care if you have consent. Written or any other kind. I don’t care if both of you were stone cold sober just back from confession, I don’t care if she winks, smiles, and grabs your swanntzgruber. You will end up regretting your actions. And don’t think that there is some kind of statute of limitations here, THERE AIN’T. Take a look at the news, fame, fortune and time mean nothing. 5, 10, 15 or 20 years from now your little game of pinch and tickle is going to come back and you will be accused of the most despicable perversions known to man. And you will be considered guilty until proven innocent. My advise is to take the bull by the horn and solve your stress problems yourself. Or at least go 500 miles in any direction, use a fake name and NEVER EVER go back.

  • gmartinz

    She is so upset; she studied so hard to get accepted at Yale, so she could have great sex. What a letdown.

  • Cyberwarrior

    Now we just need all men at all the top universities to follow suit. These men can get passports and travel for sex in countries where prostitution is legal and cheap, right? That’s what Spring Break and Study Abroad are all about! Has anyone else heard about MGTOW Mongering?

  • Allen Renche

    The problem is guys ARE listening to women. They are becoming more feminine and docile. The women are becoming more aggressive an mannish. The primordial triggers are disappearing. MS Nierenberg looks like a typical new age Ivy League male.

    The fatal dichotomy: “Alpha” women invariably seek men they can dominate – but how they secretly loathe “Casper Milquetoast” Maybe she could find her challenge with a liberated, mannish, “new age” female !! ,-

  • Allen Renche

    PS: “Man Buns” ,-]

  • Barry

    this is perhaps the greatest article of all time, but not for the reasons the author thinks.
    When she sits down for an interview at Morgan Stanley and the VP Yale alum behind the desk pulls (the article) out just as she is describing her Feminist Theory essay from sophomore year, it will be a wonder to behold.
    can I get that latte to go, sweety?

    • fsy

      Once upon a time, it would have been enough for her parents to find out.

      Does she have parents? What are those?

      • Barry

        Those are the things that save money all their lives so that their daughters can tell the world about their sex lives. At Yale.

  • moron

    Hey, just say rape! Why would any male want to have sex with a college woman when it is now necessary to get notarized consent to even touch her!

  • As part of the solution to fix this campus-wide problem, Nierenberg advises Yale men to “be more conscious of how gender dynamics impact conversations about sex, in and out of the bedroom.”

    Yeah, that’s how to get a man hot.

  • disqus_saASoogd1x

    per instapundit”Count yourself lucky, sister — if they did listen to you, they probably wouldn’t want to have sex with you at all.” ha ha ha

  • KenES

    I dunno. What are the odds this writer is not really as “skilled” and experienced as she would have you believe. The narrative sounds all too familiar, Cosmo from August, oh and July, and June, and May, and…and…and…

  • Ed of Ct.

    Calvinist founders of Yale and many of the Ivy lge. schools must be spinning in their graves at the deviants running and giving advice on Morals sexual and otherwise at Yale etc..

  • Sam in Texas

    I don’t quite understand. If there is an epidemic that means there is a lot of it, and if there is a lot of it then there must be a lot of one night stand/hookups going on, and, so, why should the man care if the woman enjoys it.

    • BC

      And why are the women so quick to jump into bed??

      • Sam in Texas

        In accordance with feminist doctrine (?!?), to show they are wantonly promiscuous like men?

  • superllam

    “You want cheap, gratuitous, and meaningless sex, yet you want it with sensitivity, caring, and personal engagement? It’s an oxymoron.”

    This, by Jon, kinda nails it. Why am I supposed to pretend to care about you? Clearly, you couldn’t care less about me. What did you expect? You thought that guy you met at the club picked you up because he cares about you?

    And besides, if you really DO want to treat sex as a performance evaluation. . . Amelia, you aren’t as good as you think you are. I can absolutely guarantee it.

  • Knut Vogel

    Maybe if she finds Yale men so lacking, she should just go and f**ck herself instead. Food for thought.

  • Steve

    Wham, Bam, see ya. Haven’t we seen this before? I suspect the Yale boys would put more effort into wooing the Yale girls if sex were a little more difficult to obtain. But then again I’m a dinosaur.

  • Marty Johnson

    Whyyyyyyyyyyyyy should any of those Yale girly men try to impress women in bed? Get it up get it in get it off get it out, and move on to the next hairy arm-pitted Yale shemale. Wash, rinse, repeat

  • Chi Huavara

    So glad students are getting such a fine education at Yale.

  • m a

    Ha, ha, ha.
    They’re bad in bed because they have deemed the women are not worthy of making more of an effort.
    Which is probably due to having listened to them prior to jumping into the sack.
    Another way of looking at it, cheapen sex and it won’t be particularly valuable, if it’s not valuable one doesn’t invest much effort or time in it.

  • Sean

    Or it could just be that Jewish women like the article’s author are shrews and no one should listen to them.

  • Robert Taylor

    Amelia, I know this is drastic advice but you could try having sex with WHITE guys again!

  • StanUlam


  • Lelouch

    “A student columnist at an Ivy League university claims that the school is suffering an epidemic of “lukewarm” sex from men who are “bad at listening to women.””
    -Obviously, she wants to control them and most of them don’t want her to.
    Plus, these guys likely are afraid of the (very real) consequences of what can happen if the woman decides she didn’t like the sex. She can just claim rape, and then show DNA proof … boom. Guy goes to jail, having his entire life ruined.
    It’s no wonder why guys are so “soft” these days. They’ve had their masculinity taken from them. Hmm… oppression much?