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When classic ‘toons get ‘woke’

It was only a matter of time, of course.

The children’s character Thomas the Tank Engine has gotten a United Nations-assisted “makeover” to make him more, er, palatable for contemporary “woke” audiences.

Beginning this weekend the new “Thomas & Friends: Big World! Big Adventures!” will feature stories centered on “education, sustainable communities, responsible consumption, gender equity and ‘life on land,’ about healthy ecosystems.” Producers swapped a few male characters with females, and changed some ethnicities.

There’s now an African car and a Chinese engine, both of XX chromosome.

“Some think girls are weak, but I know that’s not true,” Thomas says in one episode after being beaten in a race by (Chinese engine) Hong-Mei. “Gordon can pull the engine, and Rebecca can pull the engine,” he adds. “If boys and girls aren’t given the same opportunities, they might not be given the chance to work as equals, and that’s not fair.”

Nia, the African car, cannot return to her home because she’s been “displaced.” That’s a nice way of saying she a migrant refugee.


It seems other properties may be following suit, and The College Fix was fortunate enough to be privy to the latest developments.


“Differently Abled Acquaintances” (formerly “Super Friends”)
Since “super” denotes superiority and “friends” can make those without someone close to them feel inadequate and/or depressed, the “redone” heroes SuperCis, Wonder Trans, Binary-man and others enforce speech codes and right-think via the bias reporting system at the Hall of Reproductive Justice.

“Scooby, Don’t!”
Fred, Daphne, Velma, Shaggy, and Scooby drive around the country in their Consent Car visiting college campuses to testify for plaintiffs in Title IX cases.

“Josie and Vajayjay Cats”
The ‘cats — Josie, Valerie, and Melodie — hang up their instruments to don pink pussy hats and protest at every conceivable Trump-related event. Featuring the hit theme song:

“Josie and Vajayjay Cats!
Pink domes, covered with tats!
Hittin’ MAGA types with wooden bats!
Don’t mess with my distended thong,
Arrested? Din’t do nuthin’ wrong!”

Alien robot Front Hole Prime and his fellow GenderBots transform from male to female to everywhere in between as they take on MegaDrag and the evil TransitionCons to save the Earth from planet-wide gender dysphoria.

“Contraceptive Spongebob”
This ‘toon follows the adventures of the title character at his Underwater Planned Parenthood gig along with pals Scabies Tentacles and Prophylactic Star as they treat recurring character Mr. Crabs.

“G.I. Ho”
Who are YOU to tell these battle-hardened street walkers what they can do with THEIR bodies? Join perennial favorite G.I. Ho-With-The-Kung-Fu-Grip and her pals as they take on the “dastardly” C.O.B.R.A.: Conservative Operatives Beseeching Replacements for Abortion.

MORE: Temple U. staff ‘unlearning’ gender binary to be more ‘inclusive’

MORE: Star Trek posters, other geeky stuff non-inclusive to women

IMAGES: YouTube.com

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About the Author
Associate Editor
Dave has been writing about education, politics, and entertainment for over 18 years, including a stint at the popular media bias site Newsbusters. He is a retired educator with over 25 years of service and is a member of the National Association of Scholars. Dave holds undergraduate and graduate degrees from the University of Delaware.