Edible goodies for ‘Muh Resistance’

This past week, Oregon State University was treated to a visit by Julia Turshen, a cooking writer whose latest offering is titled “Feed the Resistance.”

Selected as 2017’s “Cookbook of the Year” by Eater.com, Turshen noted how she wanted to “add to the conversation” to “everything in the news.”

“Food is completely political,” she said. “Food is about people, and so are politics. I thought there was a real opportunity to make this clear, and to show how this gives us so much opportunity as citizens to get involved.”

Like the progressive cookbooks that came before it, “[Feed the Resistance] was a book born from momentum,” Turshen says, noting that it was a collective effort. “I knew that if I was going to do this, I had to bring in 20 of the smartest, most capable people, and find out what recipes illustrated this [moment] for them.”

Recipes are divided into chapters: “Easy Meals for Folks Who Are Too Busy Resisting to Cook” is full of transportable dishes like spiced mung bean wraps; “Food for Crowds” includes a recipe for coconut milk grits that serves 100; and “Baked Goods + Portable Snacks,” features persistence biscuits and angel food bread pudding with butterscotch sauce. Essays, histories, and resources come from Turshen and contributors including writer Tunde Wey, author Mikki Halpin, teacher and activist Jordyn Lexton, organizer Callie Jayne, and others.

Spiced mung bean wraps and … persistence biscuits, eh? Isn’t that special.

Since this is a collective effort as Turshen said, I’d like to contribute some ideas for a “Feed the Resistance” sequel. After all, if there’s such a thing as “persistence biscuits,” how flaky can the following be?

“Chocolate Eclaire” McCaskill. Nothing like a sweet snack while you’re trying to criminalize undercover sting reporting because it caught you yakking about something that is “at odds with actual [campaign] positions.” Or trying to prevent basic due process measures during campus Title IX procedures. A campaign worker for the Missouri senator says “You can taste the hypocrisy in every bite!”

Hillary Shaped-Like-Pears. The ultimate fruity meal for soul-crushing episodes. When you just can’t believe what has transpired … when everything was going your way and then yanked right out from under your feet, this is the dish for you. Warning: Before eating, be sure to clean all fruits and vegetables “like with a cloth or something.” Recipe not available in Wisconsin or Michigan.

Beto’s Tacos. This faux Mexican cuisine is from the guy who “just wanted to fit in” … just depending on the circumstances, natch. Done right, this dish is so good you’ll want to run away from that fender bender and then skateboard into the kitchen to grab a bite. BE SURE to use flour tortillas, not corn, as well as gooey American-style cheese for that maximum gringo effect. Also try Beto’s Burritos (don’t even try to trill the double “R”) with mole (pronounced “moal,” not “moh-lay”) sauce.

Kyrsten “Sinem-on Buns.” If you’re one of those leech-mothers who wants to stay home and raise your children, you should have plenty ‘o time to do up this recipe. Guaranteed to fill the belly of any American who wishes to go off and fight with the Taliban or work in the meth labs of Arizona, these buns have a bewitching flavor and will get you “in touch with your inner creativity and with the Earth.”

“Nancy Pierogis.” These Botox-infused delicacies are the favorite of all half a billion Americans. So delicious, it’s worth attempting to make this dish without even consulting the recipe! If you work in the food prep industry and want to be extra-patriotic, you should consider cooking up this meal for free! Be sure to eat up each and every last smattering of crumbs!

Creepy Porn Licorice. When you got a hankering for creating gang rape fantasies and/or filing ridiculous lawsuits guaranteed to get you chuckled out of court, this is your snack. A delight for people and equines of all ages, never be without it when you’re out there perpetually seeking microphones in which to speak.